Pain

Dug through my past files to find something to post for it's been long since I've updated my blog (and no time to have a brain-wave to create something new), and this lil' piece stood out from the pile.


Where were you my darling
When I laid crying
This heart longed for you
My mind in-spite of rationalities desired you

                  Why didn’t you come take me

                  How could you not come to me
                  Happiness and sorrow
                  I braved them alone till morrow

                                       The pain remains entwined my love
                                       With the gentle velvety softness of love
                                       Failed attempts at sweet reminiscence
                                       The thorn still pricks in persistence

My day on 14 Sept, 2011

Back in Sheffield. A late night on the phone last night, a late morning start with coffee. Cherry on top with ‘Gone with the wind’. Another dose of my warm cosy bed, fingers tapping away on my laptop to thank my well-wishers; I'm that considerate. Melts me a bit to realise I've been blessed with good friends. A call to my best-friend; she went - don’t die until we meet again. Another to my parents; a birthday song sung. Stepped on a dead rat on my way out. Big dinner, an even bigger dessert - a surprise home-made cake and presents from my friends; told you I'm blessed. Yes I do love surprises. The biggest surprise's the gift from my boyfriend; no wonder I said yes. A no-fuss birthday without alcohol, yet I feel so content. After all, age is just a number it’s what's in your head that matters. Trying to pull up my second favourite grey jeans, ummm yeah I definitely need to un-freeze that gym membership though. Night-time again, I won’t be a princess any more tomorrow, turning twenty three can be tiring yawn.............................toodles*

I'm blessed and cursed, in logical sequence planned out by the Architect, and I'm equally grateful for both.

Insomnia

Two cups of caffeine-laced black liquid

But that's not the only thing keeping me awake

Already a pitiful 6 in the morning

An hour and half of toil knowing I could never win

Against this miserable companion of an insomnia

Visiting Ladakh

I still remember once while I was in my 2^nd year of college, I stood in queue at the airport behind a group of friends who were checking-in to go to Leh, Ladakh. I remember feeling jealous and the urge to change my ticket to ‘destination - Leh’ instead of going back home to Aizawl. But I didn’t. Ever since that moment (that was around 2008 end or 2009 beginning), I’ve always wanted to visit the place but never found time. I’ve seen pictures, I’ve heard tales, and finally this second last weekend of July, I stepped into the enchantingly beautiful world of mountains, rocks and snow - Ladakh.

View from the plane: Since our flight was early morning, I took a nap during the flight as best as I could! When I opened my eyes, this was the first sight I saw; it’s so beautiful I couldn’t resist snapping a few shots from my phone cam.

Day-1: Although we didn’t take the warning given to us by the kind policeman at the airport seriously, we grudgingly slept for about 3 hours to ‘apparently’ help our body adjust to the altitude change. After the nap, we went for a drive way up to Khardung-La (world’s highest motorable road at 18400 feet above mean sea level). That’s when we realised the sleep thingy was really necessary; even after we slept we all felt light-headed and dizzy when we stepped out of the car, so ummm delete the word ‘apparently’ up there 4 lines above! On our way to the top, I began noticing the beauty of the dry rocky mountains with their snow-caps towering above the valleys where there existed a few greeneries and where most of the settlements are (except the monasteries – I really really wonder they’re always built so high up!). I especially love the trench-like structure of the mountains with white glistening snows embedded.

Day-2: Remember back in 2009, an Indian movie called ‘3 idiots’ made a hit, with an uncommon concept to those of most Indian movies, of ridiculing/belittling the Indian education system (which by the way, I totally relate to)? I normally don’t watch Hindi/Indian films but this I watched with gusto. Well, there was that ending scene where the hero (!) and heroine (!!) met again after abruptly parting ways in an earlier scene. Noticed that beautiful enchanting place with the high mountains, white sands and blue waters? Yup, Pangong Lake...that’s where I was standing after a 5 hour dusty bumpy drive but it was so worth it; beautiful beautiful beautiful...sigh! The pictures don’t really do justice to it:

The water was really cold!!!

And this was taken on our way back, another 5 hour drive, on one beautiful valley we drove past:

I'm proud of this picture I took of a horse..hehe!

Day-3: River-rafting! Woo-hoooo!! :D About 2 and half hours in the raft tossed around by rapids and whirlpools...I love it!! But yeah I was relieved the raft didn’t capsize since the water was freezing, and it wouldn’t do much good to be immersed in it especially in the whirlpools. No future :/. I had chances to look around, where the ‘Zanskar’ river calmed, at the mountains on the sides, the caves, mainly the whole towering scenery around me; I’d use the word ‘breath-taking’. [PS - couldn't take pictures while being tossed around like we're insects!]

We were to disembark where the rivers Zanskar and Indus meet, and as I looked around again for the umpteenth time and probably for the last time I was struck again by the beauty of my surroundings. The massive walls of the mountains changing colours from black to purple then to light pinkish hues as the sun’s rays fell on them. I wish I had my camera but it’s in the dry-bag and I couldn’t take them out before we were out of the raft; I’ll always remember that majestic view in my mind’s eye.

End: I wanted to do so much more...camping, trekking, hiking, cycling, etc. but they all required about 4 - 20 days’ investment, and we had just the weekend to stay. So sadly, we left on the 4^th morning. But before I end this post, I just want to share one thought I had when we arrived in Leh which remains with me till today; these mountains, how they worship their creator the Lord just by standing still and forever portraying how creative and powerful He is.

Ka sawi chak tlat, Mizo tawnga thu ziah thiam lo hle mah ila Mizo tawng ngeiin kan sawi lawk, “Heng tlang sang pui puite nghet taka an ding ringawt hian Lalpa I ropuina leh thiltihtheihna an van han tlangaupui nasa em.”

A peek inside a closed book

Right, let's get cranking again. After the Manchester trip, 'twas time for me to go back to India for a summer internship and so right now I'm blogging from New Delhi again. Good ol' Delhi; the moment I stepped out of the terminal, I got that feeling I get every time I come to this place - it's hard to explain but it's like the city has a heart of its own unrelentingly thumping away oblivious to the plights of its array of inhabitants and travelers. I once was the former, I now am the latter. It's been a lil' over a year since I left but I already feel like...an outsider, a visitor, an observer perhaps. Many a times this vibrant city was the theme of my nostalgia but after a mere 2 weeks' stay, all I want to do is get out. Well yeah, the weather's cruelty is an added reason to flee - mind!

Writer's block after one paragraph, the heat must really be getting to me! >_<

Nonetheless, I'll push on. At least that's one new thing I've learned these past few weeks; thanks P for that, you and your weird contradicting mind.

Although everyone keeps telling me I'm still young and that I have the time and capabilities to do whatever I want to do in life, believe me it's no walk in the park trying to believe in myself while all I do is fall short in my aspirations. 'Smiling for the world to see, while a saddened subdued soul lurks in darkness inside.' It's not like I broke down and went all depression-like on my worldviews, let's just say it was a very low point in my life which usually don't happen. Period. I do have occasional moody moments, but they go away easily enough. This time's a lil' bit different; I have my few close friends to thank for their ever staunch belief in me, and my parents for their unwitting support and larger-than-life love for me.

(I have this habit of telling my friends that my parents are 'cool' and they really are! Not in that punked sort or so-called attitude wielding or the materialistic cool sense the contemporary culture has associated it with. I meant the understanding, open and broad-mindedness they've always shown towards me no matter what idiosyncrasies my peculiarity plants in my head; I thankfully couldn't ask for better parents.)

Anyway, getting back to what I was talking about, I've had had a lot of self-realisation after a long long reflection plus making a Balance Sheet of myself. I still don't know what I wanna do with my life but it helped, trust me; gave me perspective of where I'm standing at present, if I really want to be in this rat-race of a business world after all and most importantly, where I'd like to be 3-5 years from now. I need some more time to figure this last one out, so stay tuned :)

While my head was blowing up in jumbles of confusing thoughts punctuated by debates with my-altered-ego/myself, I did find some time to enjoy my old city albeit I found out nothing much has changed. For one, mosquitoes continue to leave marks on my now scar-free-legs!

I've never had big or minor accidents in all the years I stayed in New Delhi, but this time it welcomed me in a way worthy of its twisted sense of humour. I was travelling in one of those rickety rickshaws to work (the internship); I use them a lot because they're cheap and kind of fun. I've loved them since I was 2 years old! Apprehensive though I was since the path was uneven and muddy, I didn't protest when the driver took a short cut. I remember it happening like a slow-motion of some sort ditto in the movies - the rickshaw tipped over on its side; I promptly fell down on the road and ended up reaching the office covered in mud!! I was ever so grateful right there that India isn't so developed as to put cameras in every nook and cranny.

I don't want strange things happening to me anymore but I'm guessing a lot more surprises await me during my stay here so it probably wouldn't hurt to ready myself - mentally prepared reinforced with positive attitude! Bring it on!! :D