I woke up this morning and for no explainable reason, I felt homesick. The fact that I dreamed I was at home couldn't count since I never feel homesick after dreams like that. Maybe life's hardness takes a toll on you after a while or is it just that I'm going soft...ummm...naaah couldn't be! So then why do I feel so moody this morning. Could be a number of reasons and if you'll allow me to elaborate I'd like to think, after mooring over it for a long time during my oatmeal breakfast, it's because I'm not financially secure....yet!! I don't believe money is the most important thing, gosh no! God is. But I can't deny the fact that I'm here studying with huge amount of money invested and I just don't know how I'm gonna be able to get it back. See? No security for me. Aaaand it so happens that I'm the kind of person who loves security, financially I mean. And when I'm at home/I was bit younger, all I had to do was get up before 8am (a limit set by Dad when he discovered he doesn't get to see me neither in the mornings before he goes to office nor evenings when I'm usually reading in my room), be real helpful at home, obey my parents' orders, and at the end of the day, I'm always taken care of in terms of whatever I could possibly want or wish. And now as I'm growing up (no, I wouldn't call myself a grown-up yet. That's too mature for me right now), although I want to be responsible and all that stuff you tend to associate with being a grown-up, I find it hard and a part of me resisting the catalyst to transform into a lady or gentleman or whatever; let's just say a mature being!
The fact that Norah Jones is cooing in the background while I'm writing this doesn't help lift my mood. I know I should probably put some rock in to perk me up, but jazz soothes me in times of moodiness. So yeah I think I'll drench myself a wee bit longer in this oh-so-jazzy-sound-and-soothing-voice. I'm not emotional but when I'm this way, it gets kinda hard not to want to cry. But I can't cry anyway even if I want to. I know, weird right? But yeah that's me, kinda reminds you of Cameron Diaz in 'The Holiday' but I was already like this before the movie was made, so give me some credit here!! And no, relationships' not causing this moody morning to happen (in case that's what you're thinking) since I have been preeeetie high in the clouds in the late mostly because I'm happy (due to some unrevealed reason *grin*) Guess it's not working it's charm this morning...sigh!
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